Updated: Apr 17
Hello baby girl. There are so many things I want to tell you, I think of all the words when I lay in bed at night wondering what it's like to be a third child. I have no idea. I am the eldest of two and being the first child I was always the responsible one, the one who did everything first. You are the baby of the family and you will always be. As much as I love all three of you I am definitely not having more kids :) I don't think I could physically or mentally handle any more :D
Most of all I want to say to you that I am sorry. I am sorry you have to work so much harder than the other two to impress me. You see, I have seen it all. I have seen the crawling, the walking, the talking, the drawing pictures. I have seen all of those milestones reached twice already. First time it was all new with your brother and everything was SO exciting. Then with your sister who was the first girl I had (and yes girls are quite different from boys when it comes to development so in a way it was all new again). You on the other hand are a third child and second girl. You are developing so much faster than your siblings and I think it is the pull to be part of the gang that spurs you on and the want to impress mummy and daddy.
I am so sorry that I am not excited about the years and years of school runs, school assemblies, sports days and school fairs that are still ahead of us. I am sorry you always have to share me and my time. I am also sorry that you won't experience all the excitement of night time trips to out of hours doctors as I am so much more relaxed with you. Your brother had a very exciting trip to A&E at the age of 4 months after rolling off the bed. He was absolutely fine and there was no indication he needed to see a doctor but I was a new mum and I panicked. Your sister is a rather clumsy child so we had had our share of hospital trips and I have read the head injury leaflet thoroughly several times. This means that I don't really panic with you (unless there is a reason :) ). I still take you to the doctors when unsure but I know what I need to do when you have croup, I know what to look out when you fall over and hurt yourself.
I am a lot more relaxed with you in many ways. I know the tantrums won't last (even though you are most definitely the best at them out of your siblings). We do try potty training but I am not stressed that you are not quite getting it yet. I know it will come. I am not bothered that I still need to sit with you when you are going to bed because you need me there with you. I know it will pass.
One thing I am most definitely not sorry for is having you. I am so grateful to have you in our lives. When I see you playing with your siblings my heart feels so full that I don't know how it can hold so much love. They are usually short moments before you all fall out and argue and someone inevitably ends up crying and I feel like banging my head on the wall but the sweet moments are so lovely. I am pleased you have your brother and sister as I can see them becoming responsible with you, I can see how they love teaching you new things (not always ones I approve of but that is all part of the fun of growing up with siblings right?). You are already proficient at forward roll and can almost do the split as your sister is big into gymnastics. You often have little gymnastics sessions together. Having siblings means that even when I am busy or cranky, you have someone to play with. When you get told off by me for being naughty you run to your big brother for cuddles. You have two extra people who will always be there for you.
When you laugh that gorgeous toddler belly laugh, the one that makes anyone who can hear it smile, when you laugh like this I wish I could bottle this sound. I wish I could freeze these moments. You will find something so silly and laugh so hard. I know this will pass, these moments are so fleeting. When you ask me for just one more cuddle at bedtime and you still fit on my lap snuggly and you wrap your little arms around my neck I want these moments to last forever. Because you see, I know. I know how soon all this will pass. I have seen these moments pass with your brother and sister. Yes they still like a cuddle now and then, yes they still need me but in a very different way. You don't answer back yet and you don't mind being seen holding my hand. You are not conscious of your looks or what others think. You are still free and innocent and so full of love and joy and sometimes frustration and everything else that comes with being a toddler. You are so full of wonder. We hide from dragons and tigers, we look for fairies. We look after dolls and pretend to cook them dinners. You are scared of the Gruffallo and thunder. You jump in puddles and don't care that you get wet and dirty. You see wonder in everything around you.
Don't change, don't grow up too fast. For now, let's have just one more cuddle.
Love, Mummy. xxx